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未婚同居之利弊

发布时间:2019-02-18 13:11
在双岗附近一单位做销售的方小姐最近非常苦恼,因为前段时间,和她恋爱半年的男友在送她回家的路上忽然说道,“这样天天送你,耽误我们两人的时间。反正也快结婚了,你干脆搬到我那一起住,好吗?”听到这些话,方小姐几乎没有思考就本能地摇摇头。“我们周围的朋友都是这样,你再考虑考虑,好吗?”不想,过了几天,当方小姐都快忘记这件事的时候,男友又打来电话,询问是否考虑好了。放下电话,方小姐苦恼极了,因为在这之前,她谈了几个朋友,谈了一段时间后,无一例外地都提出了这个要求,但方小姐都回绝了,有的男孩因此就和方小姐断绝了关系。“我和现在的男友关系很不错,真担心又因为我的拒绝他也不理我了。为什么没结婚非要同居呢?或许我是个很传统的女孩,真的很在意在结婚的时候把一个完整的自己交给丈夫,或许看到周围好多人先同居到最后还不得不分手,对我的打击太大,总之,我对未婚同居有着莫名的反感和恐惧。为什么现在的人都那么着急,而不能耐心地等待呢?所有的神秘感都没了,是不是还没到结婚的时候彼此都厌倦了呢?”
 
Miss Fang, who sells in a unit near Shuanggang, is very upset recently because her boyfriend who has been in love with her for half a year said suddenly on her way home, "It's a waste of time for both of us to send you this way every day. Anyway, you're getting married. Why don't you just move in with me? Hearing these words, Miss Fang shook her head instinctively, barely thinking. "That's true of all the friends around us. Would you consider it again?" No, after a few days, when Miss Fang almost forgot about it, her boyfriend called again and asked if she had considered it. Put down the phone, Miss Fang was very distressed, because before that, she talked with several friends, after a period of time, without exception, all made this request, but Miss Fang refused, and some boys broke off with Miss Fang. "My current boyfriend and I have a very good relationship. I'm really worried because he ignored me because of my refusal. Why do you have to cohabit without getting married? Maybe I'm a very traditional girl, really interested in giving a complete self to my husband when I get married. Maybe I see many people around me living together until they finally have to break up. It's too hard for me. In short, I have inexplicable disgust and fear of unmarried cohabitation. Why are people in such a hurry now that they can't wait patiently? All the mystery is gone. Are we tired of each other before we get married?
 
“因为同居而让彼此爱得更深,最终走向婚姻的殿堂,这恐怕是大多数选择同居的年轻人所向往的结局。”方小姐接着说,“但现实往往不按人们的想像去发展。我的一个女朋友,刚开始也是和男友同居,不久女孩怀孕了。就在他们快谈婚论嫁时,男孩忽然提出分手,原因就是男孩又遇见了一个他认为更适合他的女孩。没办法,女孩只好含着泪到医院做了手术,这对她的影响很大,一度情绪很坏。”相反,许先生却认为婚前同居磨练了他们的婚姻,是件好事,“我结婚前,曾经和爱人同居了四年。很幸运,同居使我们走向了婚姻。当初我们决定同居也是经过了很认真的考虑的。选择同居,也是选择了一种别样的严肃——对彼此感情的严肃。同居,不仅含了两人对彼此生活习惯的适应,对长期共同生活的接受程度,更包含着对彼此更深刻地认识。共同的生活,使我们完全暴露了自己。我们的一切都毫无保留也不可避免地在对方面前展示出来。四年的生活中,我们就是这样不断地适应和改变着。生活中如此,在事业上也是如此,甚至人生观、世界观,都会在交流中不断地从争执到统一。因为同居,我们可以异常清晰地充分观察对方。终于在无数次的反复之后,我们都没有感觉厌倦,并且在各方面都达到了高度的一致,所以我们结婚了。因为有了婚前的了解,我们对未来的婚姻胸有成竹,我们不需经历‘爱情半衰期’,甚至不需要磨合。”
 
"Making each other love each other more deeply because of cohabitation and eventually going to the palace of marriage is probably the result most young people who choose to cohabit yearn for." Miss Fang went on to say, "But the reality often does not develop according to people's imagination. One of my girlfriends started living with her boyfriend, and soon the girl became pregnant. Just as they were talking about marriage, the boy suddenly broke up because he met another girl who he thought was more suitable for him. No way, the girl had to go to the hospital with tears for surgery, which had a great impact on her, once very bad mood. On the contrary, Mr. Xu thinks that cohabitation before marriage has sharpened their marriage, which is a good thing. "Before I got married, I lived with my lover for four years. Fortunately, cohabitation has led us to marriage. At the beginning, we decided to cohabit after a very serious consideration. Choosing cohabitation is also choosing a different kind of seriousness - the seriousness of each other's feelings. Cohabitation includes not only the adaptation of two people to each other's living habits, the acceptance of long-term common life, but also a deeper understanding of each other. The common life makes us completely expose ourselves. Everything we do is unreservedly and inevitably displayed in front of each other. This is how we have adapted and changed in our four-year life. This is true in life as well as in career. Even the outlook on life and world outlook will constantly change from dispute to unity in communication. Because of cohabitation, we can observe each other very clearly and fully. Finally, after countless repetitions, we were not bored, and reached a high degree of consistency in all aspects, so we got married. Because of our pre-marital knowledge, we have a good idea of the future of marriage. We don't need to experience "half-life of love" or even run-in.
 
 
 
从我们采访和了解的情况来看,未婚同居现象目前在我国已经普遍存在,且呈快速上升趋势,尤其在大中城市,已被越来越多的人接受、宽容和认可。新一代年轻人把同居当作一种“时尚”。有资料显示,在苏南地区外来的打工女工中,40%有婚前性行为或未婚同居经历,在广州外来打工女工中,60%有婚前性行为或未婚同居经历。我国的法律中,对未婚同居也是既不提倡也不反对,既不保护也不惩罚,既不赞扬也不否定。虽然这样,有关专家还是指出要慎重对待同居,特别是一些女性。因为同居对于男性和女性的影响是很不相同的。美国有研究表明,曾与女人同居的男人中只有1/3的人后来和那个女人结了婚.也就是说,2/3的同居关系没有走向婚姻。最终没能结婚的那2/3的女性情况如何呢?曾和一位男子同居的经历像年轮一样刻在自己心里和身上,很难很快地走出并摆脱它带来的影响,一切得重新开始并十分艰难。
 
From our interviews and understanding, unmarried cohabitation has been widespread in China, and it is on the rise rapidly. Especially in large and medium-sized cities, it has been accepted, tolerated and recognized by more and more people. A new generation of young people regard cohabitation as a fashion. According to data, 40% of migrant women workers in southern Jiangsu have premarital sex or unmarried cohabitation experience, while 60% of migrant women workers in Guangzhou have premarital sex or unmarried cohabitation experience. In China's law, unmarried cohabitation is neither advocated nor opposed, neither protected nor punished, neither praised nor denied. Nevertheless, experts point out that cohabitation, especially some women, should be treated with caution. Because cohabitation has very different effects on men and women. American studies have shown that only one third of men who once lived with a woman later married that woman. That is to say, two-thirds of cohabiting relationships did not go to marriage. What about the two-thirds of women who eventually failed to get married? The experience of living with a man is carved in his heart and body like a ring. It's hard to get out of it quickly and get rid of its influence. It's hard to start all over again.
 
 
 
当我们在采访未婚同居的人们时,虽然他们的神情有些尴尬,但以这种方式生活的他们都有各自不同的理由。有人说,虽然人们有选择生活方式的自由,但在同居现象的背后隐藏着对感情的迷惑和不信任,是否缺少一份直面婚姻的勇气呢?有专家认为,这种相对自由状态中有不负责任的因素存在,现代年轻人由于社会的竞争压力而感到浮躁和迷茫而不愿付出,未婚同居的状态使人更多地去设想自己而不是两个人的未来,这实际上更让他们对婚姻缺乏信心而造成认识上的误区,以为婚姻仅仅是索要而增加对婚姻的期望值。对于一个法制化社会来说,婚姻生活中的财产划分和拥有孩子的权利是有法律规定的,这些婚姻中的事情在未婚同居的人群中也会遇到,一旦分道扬镳时
 
When we interview unmarried cohabitants, although they look awkward, they all have different reasons to live in this way. Some people say that although people have the freedom to choose their lifestyle, behind the phenomenon of cohabitation lies the confusion and distrust of feelings. Is there a lack of courage to face marriage directly? Some experts believe that there are irresponsible factors in this relatively free state. Modern young people feel impetuous and confused because of the competitive pressure of society and are unwilling to pay. The unmarried cohabitation makes people think more about their future than the future of two people. In fact, this makes them lack confidence in marriage and leads to misunderstanding that marriage is only a demand. Increase expectations for marriage. For a legalized society, the division of property in marriage and the right to have children are regulated by law. These marriages can also be encountered in unmarried cohabitants, once they separate.

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